Be Thankful For Your Imperfect Life
When I attended middle school cell phones weren’t a thing. I mean they had been invented but they weren’t for general public use. We had pagers and palm pilots but cell phones simply were not a thing. In order to communicate with friends between classes we would rip a fresh sheet of note paper from our notebooks and scribe messages, the latest rumors, invitations to movie night, etc. onto the paper. We would neatly fold the notebook paper into a small square or triangle and quickly pass it to and fro. One day a friend of mine slipped me a note neatly folded into a triangle with the phrase “fill out and return :)” inscribed in the corner. I rushed to my lunch table, grabbed my lunch, quickly sat down and opened the note up.
The acronym H.O.M.E was inscribed at the top with selections from one through four under each letter. “Write your four top options, circle your fave then return” was scribble in tiny letters underneath the acronym. The H stood for Home, The O for occupation, the M for marry and the E -. I can’t remember what the E stood for. But, I was excited to make my list of perfect places to live, perfect people to marry, the perfect job to obtain, etc. I filled it out, signed my signature at the bottom of the note and created several copies to hand out to my other friends.
In middle school it feels like you can do almost anything. This feeling lasts about a few weeks before you learn that your crush is actually playing tonsil hockey with your cousin or that the class you really want to take is completely full. By winter break I was acclimated to a new idea that maybe everything doesn’t always go the way you planned. So much for my H.O.M. E choices.
I don’t remember what kind of house or apartment I said I wanted. I don’t remember what city I wanted to live in. And, I certainly don’t remember who I had a crush on at the time but I can assure you that I don’t live with or where I projected. There is an old saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” I completely agree. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a believer in dream casting, writing down goals, strategic planning and going for the gold. But I am also a firm believer in fate, radical acceptance and God’s ultimate plan and purpose for our lives.
My perfect life, in my middle school imagination, was filled with red race cars, fame and fortune, all the trappings that we think will make us happy and complete. Then you grow up and you learn that every highway has a toll. You grow up and you learn that some tolls you pay when you get on the highway and some you pay when you exit. You grow up and you learn that being married doesn’t mean you’re happy and being single doesn’t mean that you’re not.
You grow up and you learn that somewhere between the victories and the false starts, the triumphs and the epic fails, a perfect life is simply unattainable. Imagine being completely miserable and forcing yourself to smile in family photos with a spouse you hate, a car in a color you despise, kids who you don’t know and a life that’s miserable and unsustainable. I can’t do it. Not for the life of me. Perfection is a complete setup for disappointment.
I still have plenty of things I dream about achieving and accomplishing. I have a notebook full of ideal scenarios and outcomes. I still believe in marriage, mortgage and making babies. These are all things that I want, deserve and plan to obtain. So what shall I do while I wait for my mansion, my forty acres and my half dozen kids? Be thankful for my imperfect life. The one I have right now. I can be thankful for unemployment while I manifest new career opportunities. I can be thankful for a great date while I work toward marriage. I can be grateful for a relative’s pullout couch while I work toward my own townhouse. I can be thankful for my Converses while I save for my Balenciaga sneakers. I can be thankful. You can be thankful too.
It is easy to plunge down the dark and unforgiving hole of regret, envy and even jealousy. It doesn’t take much to look at someone’s wedding photo or new home post and wonder when it will be your turn. We are all guilty of it. Then we start to measure our imperfect, small and seamlessly unworthy lives with their Instagramy virtual realities. But try gratitude. Try shifting your perspective. Try recounting all the beautiful, unique, totally one-of-a-kind blessings you have to be thankful for.
Gratitude is a paradigm shifting superpower that works quickly and effectively. It saves us from drowning, conforming and measuring our imperfections against someone else’s “picture perfect” production. Gratitude helps us to be grateful for what we have while we chase what we desire. You may not have the H.O.M.E that your middle school imagination dreamed of, not yet anyway, but if you’ve got life, health, strength, perspective and gratitude you’ve got more than enough. A work-in-progress is still in progress. Trust the process and the progress. Be thankful for your imperfect life.
